Moseh, Moseh...
The other day I went out to get water on the other side of town – our cooking water, which we buy in bulk. I took Moses, one of our crack security team, with me for kicks. On the way back, passing this “short cut” that the bunch of us have been thinking of trying but haven’t yet, I asked Moses if he knew the way. “Yalesgo.” (That is, ‘yeah, let’s go’ in Mosesese…)
So we go down this ridiculously bumpy road at 2.5 mph for a while, talking all the way. He keeps reassuring me (because I keep asking) that he knows the way. “Yalesgo.” Okay. A few forks in the road later, my confidence dwindles: “Moses, left or right?” “Lesgo.” Okay. So along comes a river. Well, first there was the bridge over the river. Then there was the REST of the river passing over the road just beside the bridge. (Rainy season – no surprise there.) A taxi bus stacked to the rafters with people and poultry passes through coming the other way, so I reckon it’s pretty safe. Moses nods. In four-wheel drive I let out a whoop of delight as the water passes the headlights, but no problem – Matt wanted to wash the underside of the car anyway. Onward!
Another left and two rights later, the territory finally starts to look familiar – I can see that tower from our house, so we must be close! The puddles, however, are now blending into the swamps beside them. Reassuring myself that the jeep is in 4-wheel drive, and with Moses’s goading, we push through two enormous, muddy messes. Still, the jeep doesn’t hesitate. We round the final corner and down the hill, and we can almost see the house. One more quagmire to negotiate and we should be home fr… Nope. Stuck about a quarter of the way in. It’s deep. I manage to rock it backward a bit, forward a little more, baaack, allllmost there… Nope. JUST shy of the other side of the fifty-foot stretch of clay, we slide sideways into the ruts and settle in. I look at Moses. I look at the clock. I have to drive Cramer to the airport in an hour. I look at Moses again: “Moseh. Moseh, Moseh." “Itolyougoonthaside! Butyougoonthiside!"
Sigh.
Jeep off.
Step out: the chalky brown water is mid-calf. Okay, this may not be so ba—aaaand DROP. Thigh high. Great. Time to call in the cavalry: “Matt. Andrew here. Better bring the shovel and the ratchet straps.”
With Matt comes Cramer, looking a little miffed. “How am I going to get to the airport NOW?!”
“I… I’ll call you a cab… Sorry, dude…”
“I’m just kidding. My flight was cancelled. Dude, you’re really stuck.” Hilarious, Cramer, thanks.
An hour and a half later, with the help of twenty local traffic directors and all the shovels, boards and sticks in a half-mile radius, we’re still thigh-high in muck but proud of our two inches of progress. Finally a good friend – and Canadian, I might add – comes to our rescue with his Land Cruiser and pulls us out without breaking a sweat. With a hearty laugh we all pile in and drive the last 500 yards to the house, where a massive car washing effort is organized. But for the rest of the day, I’m paranoid that every minute sensation in my feet is a worm burrowing its way into me from the muck…






